naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
