after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
