I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
