He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
