I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
