my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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