that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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