You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
