I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
