yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
