she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
