oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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