New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
