I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
