I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
