Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
