Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
