I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
