bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
