How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
