Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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