id be glad to
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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