She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
