he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
