I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
