Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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