my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize