i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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