I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
This house was built for laser tag.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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