so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
