There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
