my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
