Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You are the jesus of drinking
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
