Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Drunk is not a location!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize