FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
