I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
