dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
