right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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