I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
