He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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