you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
