Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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