I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
