I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
