The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
