when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
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