i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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