It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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