No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
