So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
