I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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