Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
