I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Randomize
