Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
