I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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