I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
