why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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