dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
