guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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