so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
