I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
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He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
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The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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