omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
