At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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