So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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