who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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