he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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