You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
