he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
