As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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