He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
