i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
