He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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