Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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