I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
